It's Good To Have Farmer Friends

Fall started this past week, but it sure doesn't feel like it.  Temperatures have been in a summer-like range of near 90F.  This is matched with a July humidity, bringing late afternoon pop-up rain and thunderstorms.  I think the air conditioner has run more in September than in August.  A heat wave is defined by dictionary.com as:  a prolonged period of abnormally hot weather - which seems to qualify.  The World Meteorological Organization has specified that a true heat wave must be at least five consecutive days where the maximum temperature exceeds the average by nine degrees.  So a finger-wagging meteorologist may point out that it isn't really a heat wave yet, but it has been steamy.  Al Gore says this is inconvenient as he continues to live a delightful 1% lifestyle.

It was seven years ago right now when the agreements were signed to buy my current house.  That day was hot as well, but it was a more typical late summer dry heat.  Among the things I didn't think too much about when I bought my house was the wadi running through the property.  Buying a house is fraught with unseen pitfalls.  Nothing will prepare someone for the reality of moving into a new place.  Real estate disclosures will be cloaked in words to minimize negatives while following the letter of the law.  Home inspectors make money on home sales - realtors will never recommend inspectors who honestly show all flaws resulting in more difficult home sales.  The home-selling industry is designed around making unlikely sales go through.  The buyer and seller are just along for the ride at some point.  But I have no complaints about my current house; nothing beyond a minor annoyance has reared its ugly head and after seven years, any issues at this point are mine and mine alone.
Over the last seven years, the wadi behind the house has slowly filled it.  My back yard is in a local low spot so it sees a fair amount of water.  When I moved in, the ditch was fairly deep and held  quite a bit of water.  Over that time, it has slowly filled in with silt and dirt.  This has been exasperated by drain tile that has failed.  From what I understand, there was a county project years ago which ran two drain tiles on either side of the wadi along its whole length (including far beyond my property line).  This drain tile has had multiple failures.  Two years ago, the result was a nearly year-round swamp.
"You don't know how lucky you are to live by a swamp."  Vic (Dan Aykroyd from the movie Neighbors)
I ended up digging a small trench from the fail drain tile to what remained of the wadi which deswampified the back yard, but created new minor issues as the wadi was largely flat.

In theory, I lease out the back part of my property for farming by a local farmer.  In practice, he has successfully traded capital improvements every year instead of actually paying me.  The actual dollar amount wouldn't be much so I'm OK with it, but the last two years he had issues doing what he said he would do.  This occasionally rankled me.  I asked him to dig out the wadi, not knowing if he was going to, but a few days ago he showed up with his backhoe, digging out a nice smooth trench.  I was thrilled.  This also gave me piles of dirt to fill in some low spots in my yard, especially where the dogs have dug to get at some critter.

I have been surprised how much water has infiltrated the wadi already given the lack of any real rain.  No doubt this is due to the failed drain tile.  It will be interesting to see what happens to this in the spring.

A secondary benefit of the return of the wadi is that I was able to bush-mow the property right up tot he edge of the ditch.  This will make it look better all winter and will help keep both weeds and vermin down.

A lot of the rural roads in the area are being repaired (and I use the term loosely) by chip seal.  I first encountered chip seal on my motorcycle road trip to Alaska and learned to live with it in the barely unfrozen North.  Locally though, they use a phenomenal amount of gravel compared to the scarcity mentality I saw in the Yukon.  There were piles and ridges of gravel several inches deep in some places.  I was almost home riding through the stuff with serious pucker-factor when a nearby neighbor started tail-gating me.  I'm not sure if she knew it was me or not, but it didn't help the situation much.  On a heavy motorcycle, recently layed chip seal might as well be a loose gravel road.  It might as well be a greased road.
Once swept up and hardened, chip seal isn't too bad, but I'll probably be going out of my way to avoid some of the worst roads, especially the ones that are lightly travelled where it may be weeks before excess gravel is swept up.

I guess even with the hot weather, the chip seal is a sign of the changing seasons.  Leaves are starting to fall.  Bean fields are becoming yellow.  Corn is dying.  Maybe fall is here?

The Final (Mephitidae) Solution

The drain at the bottom of the window well was covered with stones; the corners showed evidence of digging.  I didn't immediately see it, but tucked in the near corner I saw the unmistakable black and white stripe.
This isn't a typical shallow, city window well.  It sits about six feet deep and is only wide enough to serve as a code-compliant egress.
The skunk was not going to get out on its own.

All I could say was, "Now what..."

Skunks are only native to the Americas and much more prevalent in North American than South.  Small, invasive pockets have at times shown up in Europe and similar species live in Indonesia and the Philippines.  The French Pepe le Pew is geographically unlikely.  Skunks are largely nocturnal and live lives seemingly ambivalent toward humans.  Like humans, skunks are omnivorous and can survive on just about anything.  They have poor senses and are not overly aggressive, with ability to spray noxious and painful (to eyes, etc.) stink as their main defense mechanism - that stink was the root of my problem.
Skunks hibernate in the cold winter months.  However, it isn't the deep hibernation that bears or reptiles go through, as they'll occasionally come out to feed or when weather warms.  It was the warm weather which probably brought out my new denizen.  I had seen a skunk a few days prior while walking one of the dogs.  The dog didn't see the skunk until it was only about 20 yards away.  The skunk didn't see us until it was already walking away.  All it did after seeing us, was waddle on a little faster than before.  A few other skunks lurking about as potential road kill preceded the skunk in my window well.

"Now what..."

As I saw it, I had a three options.
1-Ignore the problem.  This was akin to choosing immobility as a mode of transportation.
2-Help it get out.
3-Kill it.

I was intent on avoiding two manifestations of the largest problem with the great striped one.
a-Me getting sprayed.
b-Skunk spraying in the window well as this might mean I'd have to burn the house down and hope insurance would cover it.

Skunks are largely burrowers, with limited ability to climb.  I tried to lower a board into the window well as a ramp to get out, but every time I did this, the skunk exhibited nervous behavior.  This, in turn, made me very nervous.  At one point, the skunk turned around, raised its tail toward me in a show of bravado that I took quite seriously.  Given the low probability of success, I abandoned this aided escape quickly.  Stink looked far more probable than the skunk's ability to climb up the steep board out of the six foot deep window well.

I thought about trapping it in a bucket or live trap.  And while, if successful, this would help the immediate situation, ultimate success without getting sprayed was far from assured.  While I don't necessarily feel bound by the letter of the law, especially in the rural area where I live, Ohio Revised Code requires trapped skunks be released on site or euthanized.  Releasing skunks elsewhere (transportation comes with its own unique challenges) is not legal.  As an aside, this is also not legal for raccoons, beavers, possums, foxes and coyotes.

I was pretty much down to option 3-Kill it.  But how?

In the late 1990's, I helped some farm friends rid their barn of skunks after a large group of them found a nice home in the barn with ample food supply in the form of the barn cat's food.  Despite several well placed shots, every skunk got their last dying revenge.  My farm friends were not disappointed.  Going in, they were willing to trade intense skunk smell for a definite amount of time for the constant din of skunk stink that had been going on for most of the summer.
Shooting my skunk from the roof of my house would be a realistic option to avoid me getting sprayed, but would be nearly guaranteed to have odoriferous consequences in the basement, if not the whole house.

I went to my local hardware store for some advice.  We tossed around potential solutions.  We all saw some humor in the situation, but no clear solutions.
They handed me the card of a local nuisance animal company.  I had already searched this option online and saw that best case scenario, I was looking at a cost in the low 100's of dollars - with absolutely no guarantee of the house coming out stink free.  I called the number which gave options to press 1 if an emergency or leave a message in the general mailbox.  I had a hard time seeing it as an emergency, but any prolonging of the situation seemed likely to increase the likelihood of stink.

I was approaching The Final Solution, and I didn't like it.
Ohio revised code allows the use of a "toxicant or chemical substance as a means of control for nuisance wild animal" but unlawful to use these "contrary to or in violation of instructions on the label or manufacturer recommendations."
I saw two embodiments of a "toxicant or chemical substance" at the local hardware store that listed skunks - Atlas Giant Destroyer and Amdro Gopher Gasser.  Both of these are flammable smoke bomb type devices.  Meant to be used in a burrow, I wasn't sure how well it would work in the more expansive window well and I had visions of this also filling my basement with "toxicant or chemical substance."  This did give me the idea of using exhaust gasses from my ATV or copious dry ice to asphyxiate the skunk.  I think this might have worked, but it would definitely have been an experiment.  All of these gaseous products brought memories of a recent news story where an entire family inadvertently was poisoned by rodent killer.   I did avoid the product that used zinc phosphide as the active ingredient...
There were several other mouse killers that used bromethalin, which is effective on skunks.  Was I using it contrary to or in violation of instructions on the label or manufacturer recommendations?  No, I've had mice in the window well, and they needed to be controlled (right?).  The mouse nuggets smelled quite tasty, even if they are an asshole redneck tactic.  Why that site goes on to give advice about poison seems quite contradictory.  And if mouse poison is "an asshole redneck tactic" for skunks, why is it not for mice, rats, gophers, etc.?

I went down in the basement later that night and looked through the window with a flashlight.  I have to admit that the skunk looked rather cute, it put its paws up on the window screen and almost looked like a zoo exhibit through the glass.  I was reminded of running over a raccoon a few months prior.

One of my biggest concerns that first night was that the skunk might not be alone - and other neighborhood skunks would go all Baby Jessica overnight.  Thankfully, skunks are somewhat solitary creatures.

The next day the skunk was still alive, although it was less lively.  I provided it with another snack and beverage.  As I was lowering this slowly into the window well by means of a string, I felt like I should be saying something analogous to: It puts the lotion on, or it gets the hose again.  See the movie Silence of the Lambs if that doesn't make sense.  In many ways, the EPA (or is it the FDA?  Or CDC?) have hamstrung us.  Current chemical control substances are so limited in potency that immediate effect is nearly impossible.  Wide availability of extremely strong poisons might need to be approached with caution; there may be alternative solutions online.  These are in a legal grey area, and time to acquire them didn't permit it.

The Final Solution was eventually successful.  I didn't feel good about the situation; it took longer than I would have liked.  It looked unpleasant.
In addition to the skunk, I've had coyotes, moles, deer, ground hogs, mice, rabbits, snakes and all manner of what some would consider vermin live harmoniously in and around the house.  One of the things I love about living in a rural area is the unexpected interaction with wildlife.
But the line does have to be drawn somewhere.

Fresh Cut Queen Anne's Lace

I enjoy mowing the lawn.  At least I enjoy mowing the lawn when I have the time to do it.  It is a good thing that I find enjoyment in mowing, as I mow between three and four acres.  My lawn mowing has a split personality between the laughable Weed Eater push mower (cost?  $20) used for the fenced dog area and trim work, and my tank-like, aging 61-inch Snapper zero turn.

While I have always enjoyed mowing, I can vividly recall one of my lows when trying to sell my old house was a lawn mowing episode.  I had just mowed the lawn at my current house, then drove to my old house, despite the threat of intense weather.  With less than half of the lawn mowed, torrential rain moved in, drenching me and making mowing more difficult.  This deluge spawned the death of my rickety riding lawn mower, resulting in needing to finish the now sodden mowing with the slightly less rickety push mower.  This was unfortunately at the same time when selling the old house was seemingly futile - being drenched while finishing upkeep was pouring vinegar on the already distasteful.  I finished, but left the for-sale property feeling defeated.
Every problem has a solution and the riding lawn mower was eventually fixed with a very used ignition coil from Ebay.  I gave that rider away with the house when it eventually sold.
I took better care of the lawn at the old house, at least by accepted US standards.  I used selective herbicides and dutifully fertilized a couple times a year.  That house was near a creek, so the "better" care of the lawn may not have been the "better" choice for the overall ecosystem.
In my current house, the only fertilizer is what the dogs contribute and it is far to expansive to pay for even selective use of herbicides.

My neighbor takes his mowing much more seriously than I do.  He mows a similar overall amount to mine and seems to mow a section of his yard every few days.  This approach probably makes sense, but I can't stand having only part of the lawn mowed.  It is likely a character flaw, but when I mow, I wait until it really needs it and mow the whole thing.  This approach is probably more economical as well.

Thankfully, the area where I live is very tolerant of many mowing lifestyles - so the fact that my lawn is sometimes long, sometimes scalped, isn't met with any visible disagreement from my few neighbors.  Since I often mow when parts of the lawn are very long and potentially wet, it can sometimes "frump" - this is the technical word to describe how the lawn mower will push out a big ball of cut grass, rather than evenly discharging the cut grass.

Even with my tepid care of my grass, I do like the way a freshly cut level lawn looks.  And the smell can be intoxicating.  The scent of early spring cut onion grass brings faith that winter is releasing its grip.

By this date (August) in most years, rain is diminished, taking frequency of mowing along with it.  There have been years when I mowed in late summer, not really to cut the grass as much as to knock down the few high spots of weedy grass and to cut down the Chicory and Queen Anne's Lace, which continue to arrogantly grow long after the lawn has given in.
This year (2015), there seems to be no shortage of rain, and consistent rain.  Mowing this year has been a nearly weekly affair.  The consistent rain has also created a constant quaggy area in my yard's low lying area.  I suspect that old drain tile has plugged as well, resulting in my neighbor's run-off nesting in my yard.  I haven't decided yet, if this could be a long term problem or not.

This swampy area, which is impossible to cut, makes me question why I mow at all.  In a suburban area, social pressures push to maintain a certain standard, but my far back yard is a hay field, with corn growing north of me and soybeans to the southwest.  I suppose keeping the grass cut down for the dogs and to keep ticks and insects at bay makes sense, but I could foresee letting the property go wild, just to see what would happen.

But maybe not.  The few nearby vacant houses have turned to mostly stalky weeds, which is unpleasant at best.  Areas which are not routinely mowed, or at least brush hogged, end up getting choked up with invasive plants like trumpet vine (attractive, but hard to get rid of), bush honeysuckle (can make a decent screen, but I'm sure this stuff could take over the whole earth), and morning glory (an evil plant if there ever was one).  The previously mentioned chicory and Queen Anne's Lace, while not native, do at least have some redeemable qualities.
I have planted many trees in one section of the property, with the hope that one day a forest canopy will evolve, meaning mowing will be only a rare spring need.  Realistically this is some way off.  My tree care mirrors my lawn care and as a result I have a large group of sad-looking trees that desperately wish to survive beyond their current height of several inches.  Many have died, been cut down, only to regrow anew from some remaining roots.  The unbelievably strong will to live does not seem to be something possessed only by animals.

Internet searches on the subject show no shortage of sites which suggest the history of lawns go back to elite European estates and lawn care in the United States currently costs billions to maintain.  Many of us in our area of the township have donated parts of our yards to local farmers who cut and bail it for hay.  I've thought about doing this with more of my property, but indiscriminate agricultural cutting may harm my baby trees, which I do have some emotional attachment to despite their lack of care.  I'd also rather not have excessive vehicle pressure over the geothermal or septic system.
I guess I could use some of the property to grow more of my food, but I must be realistic with myself.  As much as I like to plant things like tomatoes or pumpkins, my care of them mirrors my lawn and tree care.  Once summer turns things hot and humid, nurturing plants with activities like weeding, watering and pest control are less alluring.

Ecologically, a lawn is a pretty dead place unless you include the field mice which make tunnels in the grass in the winter.  Along with the rain, the rabbits seem to be doing quite well this year as well.

Despite the expense and questionable utility, mowing acres of grass serves as a satisfying recreational activity.  As a task which takes little in the way of mental capacity, it is also good thinking time.  And any negative it carries is, frankly, a small price to pay to be away from the concrete jungle of the city or the punky, traffic-infused jungle of the suburbs.
Winter will be here all too soon, bringing with it nostalgia for the past summer's green mowing.