The drain at the bottom of the window well was covered with stones; the corners showed evidence of digging. I didn't immediately see it, but tucked in the near corner I saw the unmistakable black and white stripe.
This isn't a typical shallow, city window well. It sits about six feet deep and is only wide enough to serve as a code-compliant egress.
The skunk was not going to get out on its own.
All I could say was, "Now what..."
Skunks are only native to the Americas and much more prevalent in North American than South. Small, invasive pockets have at times shown up in Europe and similar species live in Indonesia and the Philippines. The French Pepe le Pew is geographically unlikely. Skunks are largely nocturnal and live lives seemingly ambivalent toward humans. Like humans, skunks are omnivorous and can survive on just about anything. They have poor senses and are not overly aggressive, with ability to spray noxious and painful (to eyes, etc.) stink as their main defense mechanism - that stink was the root of my problem.
Skunks hibernate in the cold winter months. However, it isn't the deep hibernation that bears or reptiles go through, as they'll occasionally come out to feed or when weather warms. It was the warm weather which probably brought out my new denizen. I had seen a skunk a few days prior while walking one of the dogs. The dog didn't see the skunk until it was only about 20 yards away. The skunk didn't see us until it was already walking away. All it did after seeing us, was waddle on a little faster than before. A few other skunks lurking about as potential road kill preceded the skunk in my window well.
"Now what..."
As I saw it, I had a three options.
1-Ignore the problem. This was akin to choosing immobility as a mode of transportation.
2-Help it get out.
3-Kill it.
I was intent on avoiding two manifestations of the largest problem with the great striped one.
a-Me getting sprayed.
b-Skunk spraying in the window well as this might mean I'd have to burn the house down and hope insurance would cover it.
Skunks are largely burrowers, with limited ability to climb. I tried to lower a board into the window well as a ramp to get out, but every time I did this, the skunk exhibited nervous behavior. This, in turn, made me very nervous. At one point, the skunk turned around, raised its tail toward me in a show of bravado that I took quite seriously. Given the low probability of success, I abandoned this aided escape quickly. Stink looked far more probable than the skunk's ability to climb up the steep board out of the six foot deep window well.
I thought about trapping it in a bucket or live trap. And while, if successful, this would help the immediate situation, ultimate success without getting sprayed was far from assured. While I don't necessarily feel bound by the letter of the law, especially in the rural area where I live, Ohio Revised Code requires trapped skunks be released on site or euthanized. Releasing skunks elsewhere (transportation comes with its own unique challenges) is not legal. As an aside, this is also not legal for raccoons, beavers, possums, foxes and coyotes.
I was pretty much down to option 3-Kill it. But how?
In the late 1990's, I helped some farm friends rid their barn of skunks after a large group of them found a nice home in the barn with ample food supply in the form of the barn cat's food. Despite several well placed shots, every skunk got their last dying revenge. My farm friends were not disappointed. Going in, they were willing to trade intense skunk smell for a definite amount of time for the constant din of skunk stink that had been going on for most of the summer.
Shooting my skunk from the roof of my house would be a realistic option to avoid me getting sprayed, but would be nearly guaranteed to have odoriferous consequences in the basement, if not the whole house.
I went to my local hardware store for some advice. We tossed around potential solutions. We all saw some humor in the situation, but no clear solutions.
They handed me the card of a local nuisance animal company. I had already searched this option online and saw that best case scenario, I was looking at a cost in the low 100's of dollars - with absolutely no guarantee of the house coming out stink free. I called the number which gave options to press 1 if an emergency or leave a message in the general mailbox. I had a hard time seeing it as an emergency, but any prolonging of the situation seemed likely to increase the likelihood of stink.
I was approaching The Final Solution, and I didn't like it.
Ohio revised code allows the use of a "toxicant or chemical substance as a means of control for nuisance wild animal" but unlawful to use these "contrary to or in violation of instructions on the label or manufacturer recommendations."
I saw two embodiments of a "toxicant or chemical substance" at the local hardware store that listed skunks - Atlas Giant Destroyer and Amdro Gopher Gasser. Both of these are flammable smoke bomb type devices. Meant to be used in a burrow, I wasn't sure how well it would work in the more expansive window well and I had visions of this also filling my basement with "toxicant or chemical substance." This did give me the idea of using exhaust gasses from my ATV or copious dry ice to asphyxiate the skunk. I think this might have worked, but it would definitely have been an experiment. All of these gaseous products brought memories of a recent news story where an entire family inadvertently was poisoned by rodent killer. I did avoid the product that used zinc phosphide as the active ingredient...
There were several other mouse killers that used bromethalin, which is effective on skunks. Was I using it contrary to or in violation of instructions on the label or manufacturer recommendations? No, I've had mice in the window well, and they needed to be controlled (right?). The mouse nuggets smelled quite tasty, even if they are an asshole redneck tactic. Why that site goes on to give advice about poison seems quite contradictory. And if mouse poison is "an asshole redneck tactic" for skunks, why is it not for mice, rats, gophers, etc.?
I went down in the basement later that night and looked through the window with a flashlight. I have to admit that the skunk looked rather cute, it put its paws up on the window screen and almost looked like a zoo exhibit through the glass. I was reminded of running over a raccoon a few months prior.
One of my biggest concerns that first night was that the skunk might not be alone - and other neighborhood skunks would go all Baby Jessica overnight. Thankfully, skunks are somewhat solitary creatures.
The next day the skunk was still alive, although it was less lively. I provided it with another snack and beverage. As I was lowering this slowly into the window well by means of a string, I felt like I should be saying something analogous to: It puts the lotion on, or it gets the hose again. See the movie Silence of the Lambs if that doesn't make sense. In many ways, the EPA (or is it the FDA? Or CDC?) have hamstrung us. Current chemical control substances are so limited in potency that immediate effect is nearly impossible. Wide availability of extremely strong poisons might need to be approached with caution; there may be alternative solutions online. These are in a legal grey area, and time to acquire them didn't permit it.
The Final Solution was eventually successful. I didn't feel good about the situation; it took longer than I would have liked. It looked unpleasant.
In addition to the skunk, I've had coyotes, moles, deer, ground hogs, mice, rabbits, snakes and all manner of what some would consider vermin live harmoniously in and around the house. One of the things I love about living in a rural area is the unexpected interaction with wildlife.
But the line does have to be drawn somewhere.
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