A Change in a Jiffy

I found it oddly troubling that the packaging for Jiffy Corn Muffin mix changed.  Not because it changed per se, but that the change was so arbitrary.
I've eaten Cornbread Pecan Waffles most weekend mornings for years.  I store the Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix boxes in the pantry - always facing forwards.  This puts the picture of the "Jiffy-Man" on the right.

When I purchased a new box of mix recently and put it away after grocery shopping, the Jiffy-Man was no longer on the right.  Carefully looking over the box, there weren't any other changes.  The only change was swapping the left and right panels on the box.

I work for a large company that can at times be bureaucratic;  at times can be very bureaucratic.  I wondered if this change to the box was part of some orchestrated project at Chelsea Milling Company.  Did people sit in a conference room, discussing the merits of moving the Jiffy-Man to the left of the box.  Were there packaging experts and baking experts and management all discussing how this might raise sales?  Was this part of some larger-scope project to standardize packaging across the Jiffy line-up and save manufacturing costs?
I guess I could understand if this was a total redesign of the box, but there were no other changes other than the left and right panels had been swapped.  Maybe the Chelsea Milling Company engineers even diagrammed out the change.

Could the Chelsea Milling Company brand managers and bean counters have projected why spending time, money and energy to change the box was worth it?

They didn't change the box to update the nutrition label.  They didn't add a new recipe - not even one for cornbread pecan waffles.  They didn't redesign the iconic front to make it more appealing to Millennials.  They just swapped left a right labels.  I guess it could be a mistake; the box printing company just got confused.  Possibly this box is a unicorn of premixes, akin to the Inverted Jenny of stamp collecting.  Or maybe there are two box makers, and one of them works from a different set of standards.  Maybe, the corn being used to make the Jiffy mix with the Jiffy-Man on the left is genetically engineered to have its DNA helixed to the left.  The Horror.  The Horror.

I contacted the Chelsea Milling Company, but they said they wouldn't respond in writing.  The conspiracy deepens...

Donald Trump Should Buy Me a New Shirt

In preparation for the change of the very confused seasons, I bought a few new short sleeved shirts to wear at work and retired a few veterans.  One of the things I really like about buying from Walmart online is the ability to return stuff easily at the store.  Purchasing from some of their "partner" sellers removes this ability - always read the fine print.  The fine print gets worse; if I return something, I will be refunded my purchase price, less the original free shipping cost (and possibly an additional small fee).
One of the shirts I bought is slightly smaller than I prefer.  Perhaps it will motivate me to lose the winter blubber more quickly.
One of the shirts is quite a bit uglier than it appeared in the picture online and is prohibitively small.

A partial dump of Donald Trump's 2005 income taxes was shared on the internet.  I won't defend President Trump (for anything), but the requisite for any presidential candidates to release taxes has always struck me as somewhat odd.  I'd be quite resistant to interview with a company if I had to share my finances first.  And while a public official may justifiably be treated differently, it isn't clear where this line would be drawn.  The president must release taxes?  How about all senators?  And members of Congress?  Unelected bureaucrat?  Chief of police?  Police deputy?  Civil servant mailman?
Looking at President Trump's taxes, what I'm struck by most is how ordinary they look.  I expected a totally different, crazy form or all those lines I always leave blank to have confusing numbers in them.  Not only are they ordinary, they'd be boring if the scale of the numbers wasn't so bloated.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't pay any more taxes than I can squeak by with.  I'm hoping to avoid last year's tax fiasco, but this year I had to figure out some new-to-me deductions - thanks to the ill-timed maturing of a few Unit Investment Trusts.  My first attempt at investments outside of my 401(k) did not go well...  I'm not the president so I won't release my numbers, but in contrast, Donald Trump grossed $152.7 million in 2005, with business losses of $103.2 million.  There is an astounding amount of criticism over this deduction bringing his Adjusted Gross Income to $48.6 million.
Donald Trump is doing the same thing as 122,000,000 other adults in the US are doing - paying as little income tax as can be done legally.  If I could have legally written off $103.2 million, I would have.  To be clear, in my life I'll never earn $103.2 million, nor even $48.6 million, nor even the $38.4 million Mr. Trump paid in 2005 income taxes.
Warren Buffett is often the darling rich to those on the left as he complains that he doesn't pay enough taxes.
But even ignoring President Trump's deducted losses, he paid 25.1% of his $152.7 gross income in taxes, contrasted with Mr. Buffett's 17.4% - which is stated as payroll taxes inclusive so actual income tax is presumably less.  Yet no criticism for Warren Buffett just because he complains about his low tax rate?  It could be pointed out that the Treasury will take any money sent to it, so Mr. Buffett is free to send as much money as he wants to the federal government.  His criticism of federal taxes is really not suggesting he should pay more tax, but other people like him should.
Accounting for Donald Trump's assumed justified $103.2 million loss, he paid a shocking 79% of his Adjusted Gross Income in taxes.

There is a lot of tax misinformation in the United States.  We have neither a progressive nor regressive tax system - a confusing tax system that can only come from years of compromise.  Too often, we compromise ourselves into complexity.  An astounding 45% of adults do not pay federal income tax.  None.  The big Zipola.  Somewhere between most and all of these people are at the bottom of the income scale, not the top.  And while the rich (President Trump and Warren Buffett inclusive) as a percentage of their actual income might pay less than the average worker, they pay a phenomenal amount in real terms.
The median income in the united states is often reported to be around $50 thousand.  That results in a federal income tax of around $5000.
So it will take 7680 average workers to equal Donald Trump's $38.4 million in taxes, or a mere 1400 average workers to equal Warren Buffett's $6.9 million tax bill.

As the platitude speaks, "A fine is a tax for doing poorly.  A tax is a fine for doing well."

There will be much more gnashing of teeth over Donald Trump's 2005 taxes.  It should really be looked at through the same lens we all see through when filling out form 1040.
I'd love to know what Mr. Trump's $17.9 million in itemized deductions are.  I don't want to make this a whole left/right Obama/Trump thing, but President Obama's 2015 $36,587 in mortgage interest deduction is actually more than my first house even cost.  Nope, not criticizing, I just find it humorously incomprehensible.  Whether Donald Trump or Barack Obama or Warren Buffett, the scale of the numbers can be sometimes hard to put into perspective.

I don't think either President Trump or Warren Buffett are buying their shirts discounted from walmart.com.  Actually, maybe Warren Buffett might, since he is reported as so notoriously cheap.  I think cheap to a guy who pays $6.9 million in tax means something different than it does to me though.
And me?  I'm stuck with two shirts that I have some regrets over.  Returning them is not worth it given the pain of return policies and cost of shipping - I'll not buy again from the Walmart partners.  One shirt I'll probably wear and grouse about it every time I put it on.  The other I will donate to Good Will; at least I'll be able to deduct that from my taxes next year.

Dan Cooper

Dateline Muskegon, MI:
The identity of Dan Cooper or DB Cooper has finally been revealed!  His name really was Dan Cooper and he has been hiding in plain sight for decades.  "I've never really kept my life a secret," he said during a recent interview.  "I just assumed that the FBI wanted to keep the case unsolved for some reason.  Maybe the FBI has a stake in keeping urban legends alive, or maybe they just didn't want to admit that they forgot to look into easily available records for 45 years."

In 1971, a flight from Portland to Seattle was hijacked by a passenger who bought a one-way ticket under the name Dan Cooper.  His name was later represented by the press as DB Cooper.  After securing a $200,000 ransom and some parachutes, Dan Cooper jumped from the back of the 727 over Washington State and parachuted down to terra firma.  While mostly silent on the specifics of the hijacking, he has allowed a few details, "I actually landed in the parking lot for Glen's Market in Onalaska, Washington.  The first thing that I used the money for was a package of Little Debbies.  That money recovered by the Columbia River ... I guess the FBI must have done that.  I think that is where the real mystery has been all these years."

Mr. Cooper's life before and after the hijacking has had some interesting twists.  He is actually the cousin of shock rocker Alice Cooper.  Dan Cooper and Alice Cooper kept in touch for many years, but now they are more limited to Christmas cards and the occasional birthday greetings.  Alice Cooper refused comment at this time, but it is believed that Dan Cooper helped Alice Cooper find a relevant attorney after the on-stage chicken death in Toronto.  It may have been that 1969 Toronto incident which led Dan Cooper to realize the need for a nest egg to prepare for the unexpected.

Little is known about Mr. Cooper immediately after the hijacking, but a close look at records show that he eventually moved to Alpena, Michigan and began living in a condominium with a J. Hoffa in 1975.  Police records from the time show that the condo, on the shores of Lake Huron, was the site of many noise complaints.  Jack Allerton, who still lives in Alpena remembers living next to Mr. Cooper and Mr. Hoffa, "We all knew Jimmy Hoffa just wanted out of organized labor, but didn't know Danny was a hijacker.  Ya' know, it was the 70's though.  Everybody was runnin’ from something."  Mr. Allerton is quiet for a few moments with a telling smirk on his face, "Those were some wild times."  The current whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa are now being investigated with renewed vigor.

With much of his hijacking cash spent by the late 1970's, Mr. Cooper had to tame his partying ways and find other employment.  In 1978 he began working for a new TV news magazine which eventually became known as 20/20.  However, he apparently had a hard time sitting still and remained somewhat nervous about being caught.  After the producers began looking into doing a story on the 1971 hijacking, Mr. Cooper must have known it was time to get out.
In 1993, Mr. Cooper joined MTV and was largely responsible for moving the music entertainment channel from mostly a music video format to the growing genre of reality TV.  MTV's Kurt Loder says that MTV still receives hate mail addressed to Dan Cooper over the destruction of how great MTV was in the 1980's music video era.
After MTV, Mr. Cooper moved on to Fox News in the mid 1990's.  He was instrumental in creating the Fox News Brand, although his initial plan was considered bloated and unlikely to succeed by both investors and executives.  As Mr. Cooper had realized the importance of weather in planning his hijacking in 1971, he invented the concept of the weather gadget in the corner of the TV screen.  To this day he still gets small royalty checks every time it is used.

Bored with broadcasting, Mr. Cooper opened a Dippin' Dots franchise in Olathe, Kansas.  This was done in partnership with William S Burroughs (author of Naked Lunch), who maintained a separate franchise in Lawrence, Kansas.  Dippin' Dots was apparently very lucrative for both Cooper and Burroughs, Mr. Cooper even created a way of making far more uniform dots through the use of something called an acoustic nozzle.  These far superior dots would likely have taken Dippin' Dots to a new level if it had not been for the worldwide frozen confectioner's scandal of 1999.  While not directly implicated in the scandal, Dippin' Dots was unable to take advantage of the acoustic nozzle process and Mr. Cooper moved on.

After 2000, Dan Cooper returned to Michigan and opened an automotive repair shop in Muskegon.  Mr. Cooper is happy to talk about his current life, "Muskegon is great.  I have everything I need here.  Cooper Dan Automotive is going gangbusters and I have my boat ready at a moment's notice on Lake Michigan."
Pushed for more information on the hijacking, Mr. Cooper just presses his lips together and shakes his head.  Questions remain about the statute of limitations and there is still an indictment out of Portland, Oregon.  When Alan Redford, Mr. Cooper's lawyer, was contacted, he only wanted to confirm he is still studying the case but there are more questions than answers, "Since Dan Cooper boarded the plane under his own name and hasn't been hiding, I think the in absentia indictment from 1976 is invalid."

A legal battle will likely play out over the coming weeks and months.  The FBI has been largely silent since the information has come to light and one senior investigator, who would only talk off the record, suggested that department embarrassment over the whole issue has become a major morale problem.  This same senior investigator also suggested that they have begun recently using Google to search for anyone relevant to unsolved cases, and it appears that Mr. Cooper's situation is not unique.

Standing on the rocky pier at Muskegon State Park for a few final words, Mr. Cooper is largely reticent, "Ya know, fake news has been in the news so much recently.  And so maybe I made some news in the early 1970's and worked in the news in the 1990s.  But maybe not.  Maybe it is all fake news, ya know?   Sad..."

The Perfect Motorcycle

Some uncharacteristically warm February weather last week, coupled with a few good travel articles in Rider and Wing World Magazines have me craving to head out on a road trip.  The last full week in February saw several days with temperatures in the upper 60's to nearly 80.  These warm days are not too unusual as Spring starts to peak around the corner, but having them for several days in a row was unexpectedly pleasant.  The warm weather allowed some seat time on the motorcycle, bringing me to the right frame of mind to read a few good motorcycle travel articles as the local weather returned to something closer to normal.
Any real motorcycle adventure is still at least several weeks away.  But mentally travel can start at any time.

I had a major service done on my Triumph late in 2016.  It was expensive and was also a major pain since the dealership took longer than anticipated and is sort of far away.  There is another dealership in Cincinnati, but every single interaction with that dealership has been negative so I just can't bring myself to go there for anything.  That recent service has got me questioning my Triumph ownership long term - even if a new bike is largely an academic exercise since I really do like the Trophy and a new truck late in 2016 makes another vehicle purchase improbable.

Does the perfect motorcycle exist?  No...  But it is fun to think about.  My Goldwing is an exceptionally capable bike for long distance 2-up touring.  However, it is a very heavy bike and riding it daily is a little like driving a small motorhome for commuting and grocery shopping.  I have no plans to get rid of the Goldwing, but what about for my daily rider and for solo trips?
1.  The perfect bike needs to have a comprehensive dealer network, preferably with a good dealership close enough to home to get there easily on a work day.  The Motus looks like an absolutely amazing motorcycle, but the nearest dealership is well over 100 miles away and if an issue would come up while I'm traveling through Rapid City, SD it would be an eight hour drive to get dealership help.  The BMW Dealership network is adequate, but the nearest dealership to where I live is also well over 100 miles; I'm convinced a franchise opportunity exists here.
2.  The perfect bike needs to be shaft drive.  Chain drive has been used forever and is well-proven.  Belt drive is in a similar state.  I'm a chronic worrier though, and when I did have a bike with chain drive, I found myself constantly checking/lubing/adjusting/etc.  As much as I know this concern is partially misplaced, I also know that my personality isn't going to change on this one.  I suppose I could argue that I'm going to worry about something, so worrying about a chain and sprockets is probably as good as anything.  I will gladly pay a little more and live with a few horsepower lost to a shaft drive.
3.  The perfect bike needs to have cruise control.  My motorcycle adventures sometimes take on a life of their own and on a few occasions, I've found myself a day and a half from home with less than a day to actually get home.  This usually means a slog on the superslab, and cruise control becomes a near imperative.  If my ST1300 had cruise control, I can't imagine I would have gotten rid of it.  As bikes move from throttle cables to drive-by-wire, cruise control becomes more an issue of software vs. hardware so manufacturers not including it starts to get harder to understand.
4.  The perfect bikes need to have simple maintenance.  I don't really care about fuel economy in a motorcycle.  All the bikes I've owned have gotten at least 40mpg over the long haul, so fuel costs are not an issue.  Maintenance cost (and pain) is a much bigger deal.  Most of my recent bikes have been fully faired bikes which adds to the time and/or cost.  Removing tupperware isn't hard, but the plastic can be fragile and removal and reinstallation takes a lot of time on top of routine maintenance.
5.  The perfect bike needs to have simple valve adjustment.  As a subgroup to maintenance, valve adjusting shim under bucket valves has a lot of collateral costs.  Harley Davidson is a near lone holdout in the hydraulic lifter world and there are some bikes which still use rocker arms, but too many manufacturers default to shim under bucket designs.  This makes sense in a hyper-performance bike, but on daily riders it is unnecessary.  I miss bikes like the Honda Pacific Coast 800 which were designed with maintenance in mind.  I was appalled recently when I saw that the Honda NC700 requires valve inspection checks every oil change - unless that was a misprint?
6.  The perfect bike needs to be comfortable.  I loved my VFR800.  The symphony of those screaming gear-driven cams will live with me forever.  It was not a comfortable bike, even after I added Helibars.  I was good for a couple hours at a shot, and an all-day ride, even with a few stops, made me question my sanity.  My wrists ached if I overindulged in miles on the VFR.  I should be able to burn an entire tank of fuel before lunch and two or three more in the afternoon without complaining.
7.  The perfect bike needs to have heated grips as an option.  I used to think heated grips were a gimmick.  Then I bought electrically heated gloves and got a little more curious.  Then I got heated grips on my Triumph.  I ride a lot in cool  to cold weather - having heated grips as a factory option is not an imperative, but it is approaching one.
8.  The perfect bike needs to have adequate, but not excessive weight.  My last four bikes have all been what can probably be considered heavyweights.  Despite what the scooter crowd might say, weight has benefits for touring as well as in bucking wind, etc.  Still, I'm missing the simplicity, handling, and tire life that inherently comes from lighter weight bikes.

So the unicorn I am after seems be a light-weight, low-maintenance, comfortable bike with yesterday's simplicity.  I'll throw in that I want tomorrow's performance.  Can it be inexpensive too?
This doesn't exist and it probably won't.
Life is a series of trade offs, so maybe my next bike will be a lightweight bike like the previously mentioned Honda NC700 - at least the valves are rocker actuated and inspection/adjustment looks quite simple.
Or maybe it will be another sport tourer.  It seems like at some point I'll need to own a Yamaha FJR1300.
Possibly I could trade off on dealer network and finally buy a BMW?  Probably not, I'm just not ready to stand proudly and commit to being a BMW-guy.
Or maybe I'll go with something super simple like a Zero electric bike, and further my Goldwing riding for anything beyond the range of batteries.

What is odd is that my current Triumph Trophy checks most of the right boxes.  There are quite a few Triumph dealers, even if I've had some negative interactions with the closest.  It has shaft drive.  It has cruise control and is very comfortable with well-integrated heated grips.  Maintenance is all pretty easy, and valve inspection interval is a tolerable 20,000 miles.  While heavy, it is on par with other sport tourers and loses weight very quickly once in motion.
So why am I thinking about other bikes?  Oh yeah, warm weather ... and travel.