A concept that I've been pondering for years now is the "End of History Illusion." Briefly, this postulates that as we look back on our lives, we can see changes that have taken place. Changes in likes and dislikes. Changes in interests. Even some changes in values. But as we look forward, we assume we've had the last laugh and things won't change much personally in the future.
This past summer, I went up to the area where I used to live, a short overnight trip of a few hundred miles. I wanted to see some family I hadn't seen in a while and the automotive shop I used to work at was having its annual summer party. The summer party used to be a big event, drawing hundreds of cars from all over. Things have quieted down since then and there were maybe just over a hundred cars (actual estimates vary). I ran into a few people I used to work with. These are people that not only did I work with, but was also fairly good friends with. Having not seen these people in a few years, in theory we should have had tons to talk about. The reality was much different. The conversations were somewhat forced, the pauses awkward and longer than they should have been; at times we seemed to be mutually searching for the continuation of the topic or what to say next.
There is definitely a difference in where we are in our lives, but I was still surprised by how awkward the conversations were. One possible difference was the lack of the social lubrication of alcohol. No doubt with enough beers, we could have rehashed the same old stories. But, that would be fake.
It is unexpected at this stage to look back on time spent in youth as an uncomfortable teenager and seeing adults who seemingly had it all together, only to get older and see that having it together is a sham. I'm convinced we are all faking it. Every day.
It is too natural to expect things to remain frozen in time when we aren't there to see the evolving changes. I've seen changes in various houses I used to live in and it almost seems like a personal violation.
The extension of this is work "parties" (and I use that term loosely since a party implies fun) and work "happy hours." These are also forced events. I hate talking work outside of work so I am quickly repelled by those conversations. However there are only a few other people at work that I have many similar interests with or I talk much about my outside-work life. Thus, work "happy hours" become time spent listening to the Gen Y crowd talk ad nausea about how interesting the minutia of their life is. Work happy hours should be renamed, "hours" since they aren't terribly happy. There are things I'd rather be doing that more closely approximate happiness. I'm reaching a point where I, without apology, rarely attend work functions outside of work hours. And only attend the work functions within work hours if there is some reason I find personally compelling. Career implications be damned.
I'm not sure if I look back 10 years if I'd say there were big changes in the things I like. There are a couple big changes I have made that affect what I do and do not do. Most of the personal life changes have been more refinements, focusing on what I find important and parking everything else in the column of interests. I find that to be an enviable place as I see others rushing off to regret.
I'm not sure what that means as to the End of History Illusion.
I would actually hope that the next 10 years will have more changes than the last, but I'm afraid that is unlikely unless I change values, which I don't want to happen. Maybe that is the key.
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