Hello 2015, But Lets Hold Off on the Resolutions Until Later

Goodbye 2014 and Hello 2015

It is tempting to be upbeat and suggest that 2015 will be better than 2014, that we'll all lose weight, make more money, read more books and make better friends.
More than likely, 2015 will be about the same as 2014 and potentially worse.  This is not something that is completely outside of anyone's control though.

There is a tendency to make "New Years Resolutions" on this day.  The changing of the calendar is an arbitrary time point, and probably not the best one to try to make big changes.
For some, this marks the end of the "holiday season" and just getting back to normal can be painful enough.  Meteorological winter has just started, but real winter is already going in full swing.  Now is the time when there is a justified tendency to sit back indoors, watch more TV, eat more food which may be less healthy, see more movies, etc.  I will argue, this is the worst time to try to make life changes in the form of New Years Resolutions, or any resolutions.
No time is a bad one to eat less potato chips or eat less marshmallows; one of the realities about life changes though is that it is too easy ensure failure by making changes that will be detested while changing too much at one time.

Winter is about death.  All the trees look dead, the lawn looks dead.  More wildlife dies in the winter because it is harder on animals than most people know.  Even many animals that hibernate will not return.
Spring is probably the best time to make resolutions in the form of anything beyond trivial changes.  Things come back to life in the spring.  The spring weather brings more excuses and opportunities to be outside.  The grey winter begins to change into warmer weather.  Spring comes with longer more frequent dog walks and (pedal) bike rides.  Spring is time to start riding motorcycles and thinking about vacations, about motorcycle touring.

I am ready to detox after the food fest that has been going on for the last several weeks.  But, I think I'll save the bigger changes for later.
Spring is the right time to make changes.  I'm going to put a Google Keep reminder in for Easter Resolutions.

A Return to Bicycling

I've been able to bicycle more than I would have expected this month.  But, let me back up a little bit.  As a dedicated motorcyclist who has toured in all 49 states that are accessible by land, is "bicycle" a typo?

This actually starts with my dogs.  One of the most important times of my day is my daily dog walk.  My current dogs are aged 10, 14 and 18.  The two "younger" dogs are still quite healthy, but on many days, even the 10-year-old can't go on the longer walks I like to take, especially in the heat of the late summer.
I was looking at something to augment my dog walking.  Running sucks; ever since I was a kid I have a knee which is sometimes unpleasant.  And, I've never seen a jogger smiling.  My dog walks are as much about mental health as physical health.
Walking without a dog would be pointless and creepy.  As I've said before, a fat ugly old man walking a dog down a rural road is quaint.  A fat ugly old man walking alone down a rural road is a vagrant.
Indoor exercise such as a treadmill or a gym membership?  I'd rather let lethargy kill me quickly.

The options were limited and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to start to ride a bike.  I had a cheap bike that I used just a handful of times when I was in college - I estimate I rode it less then 10 times.  It was given away when I moved after college.  Before that, the last bike I had was a Schwinn 10-speed that was too small I rode until I turned 15 and bought a Yamaha Chappy and licensed it as a moped (it was technically my first motorcycle since it had a 90cc engine).

I looked at bicycles for quite some time.  To say I was shocked at the price of bicycles would be an understatement.  Used bikes could be bought fairly cheaply, but I wasn't sure if going that route would result in my buying someone else's problem.  I also realized there was quite a bit I didn't know about bikes and buying new would allow me to understand what I was getting better.  Not to mention, that amortized over the life of a bike, the difference in price between new and used becomes smaller.
I turned to bike reviews and online blogs for more information.  What quickly became apparent was that as with many other activities that have a religious-like zeal of devotion, bicycling has some very opinionated jack-asses out there.  Among some of the wisdom entombed online:

• Any bike less than $xxx is absolute trash.
• Any bike brand besides xxx is absolute trash.
• Most bikes are good, but xxx is absolute trash.
• Only real bicyclists need to buy xxx, the rest of the trash can buy any trash.

Compared to other activities I enjoy, the bicycling community is a very unwelcoming.  I was really on my own.

After reading what objective information I could find, I decided buying a decent brand bike was probably a good idea.  I know myself well enough that small things that don't work right can end up being utterly maddening.  I can recall on my previous two bikes how frustrating shifters and brakes that didn't work well were.  

Still not sure I wanted to take the plunge and feeling like a neophyte, I went to a small local bike shop.  The owner was extremely helpful, but recognized my hesitance.  Surprisingly, he gave me brand new Trek Shift bike to try for a weekend, this allowed me a low impact way to see if bicycling might be a good choice in general for me.  Since I didn't want to spend a lot of money, this was also one of the bikes I was thinking about.

Taking the bike home in the back of my truck, I rode a bicycle for the first time in about 20 years.

After a few minutes, I WAS HOOKED!  Why had no one told me how fun bike riding was?

My first ride was quite short since it was later in the day.  My next ride was long enough that it hurt to walk when I got home, especially down stairs.  Take it easy grasshopper...

A few more rides that weekend convinced me that biking was going to be the right choice to go along with my dog walks.  It also convinced me that while the Trek Shift 1 was a capable bike, spending a bit more and getting a bit more was also worth it.

I really did not like the twist shifters on the grip.  The seven speeds on the bike were adequate, but going down hill, I wanted a taller gear, and up steeper hills there were limited choices other than the lowest gear, which was sometimes too low.

Talking with a few acquaintances I work with who ride was of limited, but some help.  My sister who lives in a very distant state rides very often and has even raced competitively for a time.  Her advice:

• Get a bike with good derailleurs or you'll go insane.
• If you might ever go off-road (mountain biking), get a front shock and disk brakes.  Wheel rim brakes don't work very well when wet or dirty.
• If you are only going to ride on the road, a hybrid will be outgrown quickly.
• Specialized makes great seats.

I was looking at three makes of bikes at this point:  Trek, Specialized and Cannondale.

I looked into Specialized and despite the advice of my sister, I ended up not going that route since the only nearby place that sold them seemed more interested in selling me what they had on the floor, not what I really wanted.  They were somewhat condescending and unhelpful to a neophyte. 

I can't say I looked closely at Cannondale since there wasn't much close by to look at.

Feeling somewhat loyal to the shop that gave me the loaner, I chose to go with Trek.  The lineup of bikes form both Specialized and Trek and really very comparable with respect to features and price.  Having the nearby Trek dealer as opposed to the much farther away and condescending Specialized dealer was a huge plus as well in case anything went wrong.  If the situation was reversed, I could have just as easily gone with Specialized.

This left me with what model to choose.  After comparing features of the bikes, I had it narrowed down to the Trek DS 8.3, FX 7.2 Disc and Verve 3.  I'm not following my sisters advice in a hybrid bike, but I wasn't sure if I would be doing any non-road biking and because my back sometimes give me issues; I thought the flatter handlebar would be better than the boy-racer bars on most of the dedicated street bikes.  Besides, many of the roads around the area I live in, especially in Indiana are paved in name only and often resemble rubble with inconsistent patches of asphalt.  All three of these bikes are similar in price, and with only subtle variation in features.  The DS 8.3 has a lot going for it and was the model I eventually chose.  My first ride was home from the Trek dealer; the person who helped me finalize the sale on the bike once assembled looked at me like this was odd (this seems a most logical way to get it home given that it is only about 15 miles).

Since buying the bike, I've been riding quite a bit.  Before the weather started to turn unpleasant I was alternating walking the dog and riding the bike.  I had a hiatus in mid-November due to deer hunting and an atypical November snow and cold weather that stuck around for quite some time.  

I find bike riding a good complement to dog walking.  Dog walking is great for quiet contemplative moments, great thinking time and the dog loves it.  Biking has more going on both physically and mentally.

Weather between Thanksgiving and Christmas had several nice days where I was able to ride more than I expected.  I've found I can ride quite comfortably above temperatures in the low to mid 40s as long as it isn't too windy, and down to the upper 30s if it is somewhat sunny with little wind.  I will probably make an investment in better dedicated clothes at some point in the future, but I can't say a lot of spandex will be in my future - nobody wants to see that.

Other things I've learned since returning to biking:

• I enjoy this much more than I thought I would.
• Going downhill is boring.  Uphill can hurt, but there is a sense of triumph getting to the top - especially if I don't have to resort to granny gear.
• Wind has a much greater effect than I thought it would.  I try to plan my routes with the wind at my back for the return half of my bike rides.
• Most cars are fairly courteous, but a small percentage are out to kill.
• Most dogs are fairly innocuous, but a small percentage are out to kill.
• Google's My Tracks is a great alternative to a dedicated bike "computer" and is free.  I've been using this to keep track of my rides and overall mileage on the bike (it is a bit of a battery hog).
• Riding my bike has allowed me to see areas in and around my township that I've never seen before.  Drawing a 20 mile radius circle around my house, the options for where I can go feel almost unlimited (but I'm already starting to see some roads as favorites).
• Mapometer is a great and simple site to plan rides of appropriate length.  The ability to see altitude is a great feature.

I'm not sure where bike riding will go long term.  I have yet to ride on a day that is 90 degrees F and 90% humidity, but that is a ways off.  I'd love to explore touring by bike, but that is not something to go into lightly.  

For now, I'm really glad the owner of the small local bike shop gave me that Trek Shift 1 to try.  I'm disappointed the biking community seems so closed to new riders.  I'll be doing my best to wear out my Trek DS 8.3 and am looking forward to more consistently good weather next year.

The Best Christmas Gift

Christmas Day, 2014.
I got the best gift ever this year:  Nothing.
No, I wasn't bad (maybe I was).
No, I'm not destitute (maybe I could become so).
Nothing is the best gift because I don't need anything.

I guess there are things I might think I want.  But if they were things I realistically could use, I likely would have bought them already.  I might sometimes say I want a Ferrari or 150 acres of perfect prime hunting land, but those come with other significant expenses built in (maintenance, and taxes and insurance).  Those things are also fantasy, and real life is always more interesting than fantasy.
More stuff tends to clutter life, not improve it.

It is actually kind of hard to think back and remember any specific Christmas; It is a bit surprising that I can't think of anything terribly memorable even about Christmas 2013.
I can remember minor events of past Christmases and even sometimes put those pieces together with the actual year.  Mostly this has to do with what else might have been going on around the same time.

The weather this year has been more typical of late December weather.  Cold rain, resulting in ice and mud.  I'm sure snow is coming, but there is no magic in a white Christmas.  Christmas morning came first at around 2:00 AM.  Thankfully, I was able to sleep a few more hours before getting up, reading for a bit and going on a long, if slightly damp dog walk.
Which, is about as good as Christmas gets.

So maybe a dog walk is something, or maybe it is nothing.
But, nothing equals contentment, which might really be the best present.

Why does everything have to be so awkward?

A concept that I've been pondering for years now is the "End of History Illusion."  Briefly, this postulates that as we look back on our lives, we can see changes that have taken place.  Changes in likes and dislikes.  Changes in interests.  Even some changes in values.  But as we look forward, we assume we've had the last laugh and things won't change much personally in the future.

This past summer, I went up to the area where I used to live, a short overnight trip of a few hundred miles.  I wanted to see some family I hadn't seen in a while and the automotive shop I used to work at was having its annual summer party.  The summer party used to be a big event, drawing hundreds of cars from all over.  Things have quieted down since then and there were maybe just over a hundred cars (actual estimates vary).  I ran into a few people I used to work with.  These are people that not only did I work with, but was also fairly good friends with.  Having not seen these people in a few years, in theory we should have had tons to talk about.  The reality was much different.  The conversations were somewhat forced, the pauses awkward and longer than they should have been; at times we seemed to be mutually searching for the continuation of the topic or what to say next.
There is definitely a difference in where we are in our lives, but I was still surprised by how awkward the conversations were.  One possible difference was the lack of the social lubrication of alcohol.  No doubt with enough beers, we could have rehashed the same old stories.  But, that would be fake.
It is unexpected at this stage to look back on time spent in youth as an uncomfortable teenager and seeing adults who seemingly had it all together, only to get older and see that having it together is a sham.  I'm convinced we are all faking it.  Every day.
It is too natural to expect things to remain frozen in time when we aren't there to see the evolving changes.  I've seen changes in various houses I used to live in and it almost seems like a personal violation.

The extension of this is work "parties" (and I use that term loosely since a party implies fun) and work "happy hours."  These are also forced events.  I hate talking work outside of work so I am quickly repelled by those conversations.  However there are only a few other people at work that I have many similar interests with or I talk much about my outside-work life.  Thus, work "happy hours" become time spent listening to the Gen Y crowd talk ad nausea about how interesting the minutia of their life is.  Work happy hours should be renamed, "hours" since they aren't terribly happy.  There are things I'd rather be doing that more closely approximate happiness.  I'm reaching a point where I, without apology, rarely attend work functions outside of work hours.  And only attend the work functions within work hours if there is some reason I find personally compelling.  Career implications be damned.

I'm not sure if I look back 10 years if I'd say there were big changes in the things I like.  There are a couple big changes I have made that affect what I do and do not do.  Most of the personal life changes have been more refinements, focusing on what I find important and parking everything else in the column of interests.  I find that to be an enviable place as I see others rushing off to regret.

I'm not sure what that means as to the End of History Illusion.
I would actually hope that the next 10 years will have more changes than the last, but I'm afraid that is unlikely unless I change values, which I don't want to happen.  Maybe that is the key.

Breadfruit

The grocery store had a tasting of breadfruit a few weeks ago.  I overheard the produce manager telling one of the employees to take a few breadfruit to do a tasting.  Having never had the chance to try breadfruit, I was intrigued and hoped it would be out by the time I was done shopping.  The employee, an older thin woman, took a few breadfruit quarters wrapped in cellophane to the back.  Several more wrapped breadfruit quarters were on the shelf for a few dollars a pound.

Grocery shopping is an almost intimate task.  I grocery shop at the same place on almost every Saturday morning at nearly the same time.  Not unexpectedly, many of the same employees are working on Saturday mornings, I often see the "morning huddle" near the beer cave and shudder when I think of the horror that efficiency consultants have done.
I also often see the same shoppers on Saturday morning.  These are obviously people who have a similar Weekend ritual to mine.  There is the tubby man in scrubs who I presume is shopping after working at the local hospital.  If he gets there before I do he often buys all the reduced price deli pizzas.  There is the woman with short grey hair and glasses; we see each other so frequently that we often smile and say, "Good Morning."  There is the granola woman I see in the produce department, but nowhere else.  There is the guy that I've decided I probably hate, even though I've never talked with him.  I don't have a reason to dislike him, but I'll find one.  There  are many other nameless people I nod hello to or recognize when I see them.
The grocery store is also a very awkward place to have a conversation with someone.  On my most recent grocery shopping trip, I saw a woman I used to work with and we talked for quite some time about our respective jobs and oddly, guns.  As we parted ways, I was dreading the idea that we might now meet several more times through the aisles as we worked our way through the store.  There is no good social protocol for these situations.  Do we ignore each other?  Do we nod politely?  Do we try to continue the conversation.  Sometimes when I see people I know in the grocery store, I pretend I do not see them for this reason; if we run into each other later in an aisle, we can nod hello or talk without the awkwardness of the recent conversation that was appropriately ended.

I typically like the free trials that grocery stores put out.  I've never been to Costco, but I understand they often have many of these and I heard of one person at work who will go there, walk through the store and never buy anything, but use the free samples as an inexpensive lunch out.  I find this odd since he is a manager at a level significantly above me.  Free lunch meetings at work do nothing to entice me to come since food stability is not something I worry about.  I make enough to pay for my own lunch.

While I often try them, I also find the store free food trials a bit creepy sometimes.  The great unwashed masses, using the same plastic knife to dip into the same plastic container of crab dip shedding who-knows-what into the tepid frappe.   I'm glad the way I live my life has allowed me to develop a strong immune system - I sometimes go back for seconds.
"This stew's aweful good." -Delmar O'Donnell
"You think so?  I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday. I think it's startin' to turn." -Washington Hogwallop
I'm goin' to R-U-N-N O-F-T!

By the time I was nearly done grocery shopping, the older thin produce employee had returned from the back with a tray of cut-up breadfruit and a tin of toothpicks.  I meandered over and tried a cube.  It was terrible.  Stalky.  Woody.  Bland.  Difficult to chew and nearly impossible to swallow.  Despite copious chewing, it felt like it was permanently lodged in my throat.  A few of the woman's fellow employees were also trying to eat it with the same difficulties.  The display was very near the sushi stand and the two Asians who create the sushi came over.  I've long suspected they were not Japanese, but more likely Malaysian.  In broken English, they informed us ignorant fools that only a small yellow part of the fruit can be eaten.  I found this very odd since the fruit is very large and I believe it is a staple in Polynesian areas.  How can so much of a staple be inedible?  How can they sell this for a couple bucks a pound and only have 3% of it be edible?
I've since learned that breadfruit is supposed to be cooked and eaten more like a vegetable, often mashed.  Had the Malaysian Sushi Chefs had better English, they might have told us that.  Or, possibly they saw so much humor in our trying to eat it as we were that they couldn't stammer it out, and resorted to their own language.  We may have deserved it, the produce manager definitely did.  I doubt there was very much breadfruit sold as a result of the trial.

Breadfruit looks a lot like durain.  I've only seen durian in the crazy international grocery store around 25 miles from home.  I used to go there for their beer selection, but always walked through the produce section just to see what was there (and the seafood section as well).  I saw durian there many times.  Durian looks like it can slay other fruit and I've heard it smells like rotten onions or diseased feet.  I'm curious how something described so vile could taste good enough to eat, let alone enjoy.  I don't suspect that it will be used for many food trial displays.

I didn't buy breadfruit and have no inclination to.  Thankfully, the small amount I did try passed through unannounced, despite being eaten uncooked.  Fellow Saturday morning shoppers, I hope things are well.

Welcome Back to the Effluvium

While pecking out my last post, I was undoubtedly wearing shorts and a T-shirt.  Today, I'm wearing jeans and a quilted flannel shirt.  It was also an anniversary as is this week (four years in the "new" house).  The last five months allowed me to work on 30,000 (approximately) words in another medium.  That averages to a pathetic 200 words per day, but with a few vacations and most weekdays consumed elsewhere it isn't quite that tripey.  Call it short stories, call it a novella, call it stupid, but it was something I had an idea for and wanted to do.  Something realized in a sea of false starts.  At times, it was much harder to do than I thought it would be.  I definitely had to be in the right mood, the right frame of mind to work on it.  There were several times where entire sections were scrapped with a quit hit of the "Delete" button, bringing me back to the scary blank page.  Remember how terrifying Word Perfect was when the program was started?  It really was just a blank page with a blinking green cursor.  The Function Keys on our keyboards lie there as relics of that era, fossils of the dead dinosaur.
The project isn't done at this point, but the bulk of it has been created.
The big question is:  Now What?  I'll definitely spend time self-editing; a process I really enjoy.  I may let one or two other people read it.  But, ultimately I'll probably let it sit, terminally ill in Google Drive.  Like most things done outside my paying job, this was done for myself.  I may also go the route of self-publishing.  Since this is a fairly permanent thing to do,even if it is almost by definition done quietly, it is not something to be done lightly.  There is always the option of doing it privately (vanity publishing).

A lot has happened over the last five months, both in real life and the outside world.  I've missed spouting off, but nobody has missed me - which I'm fine with.  My page hits are well over 5000 at this point which I'm pretty shocked by.  Even assuming many of these are automated hits, I'm still quite surprised.

Thanksgiving is over and we're into the "Holiday Season."  There is a stack of Christmas Cards and a letter on the desk behind me, idly waiting for addresses.  Past history has told me these are not actually read by very many people, despite their being succinct (1/2 page, both sides, no more, with space enough for a quick note at the bottom and a font my older relatives can read).  It is important to not take anything too seriously.

So now I can return to pecking out words every week or two (or three).  I often scroll through Blogger's "Next Blog" feature.  Sometimes it brings me to really interesting places.  Other times it brings me down an incomprehensible road.  Ik begrijp niet hoe " Volgende Blog " kan plotseling veranderen languge?
Maybe the Next Blog will be better...

Four Years and Taking a Break

It has been four years since I quit drinking.  I almost forgot about the date, which says something.

The first year was about getting through it.  I was incredibly busy during this time: moving, getting ready to sell the old house, selling it, new work issues.  I thought about it a lot during this time, but with so much else going on my mind was preoccupied, and it helped.

Year two was about it becoming more normal.  I went on my first vacations without it and found them more enjoyable than I could have imagined.  I tested myself a few times and found I didn't crave it, but felt totally out of place in social situations where most people were enjoying it.  The upside to those situations was much less in the way of social blunders, and those that I did make were likely remembered by nobody but myself.  Two years felt like a real milestone.

In year three, things were becoming more normal.  I still often thought about it on hot summer days or boring winter afternoons.  But there was no reason to really look back.

And, now it is four years and at times I'm forgetting about it.  Things are so normal without it that I can't imagine restarting life in that trajectory.

There are two vignettes from well-written books I often recall.  The first is from Neil Steinberg's Drunkard.  He recalls terrible traffic on his way to an AA meeting and giving up on getting there.  Instead, he turns into a liquor store and buys a bottle of Jack.  What is telling about this is that this isn't a compulsion, but a necessity.  It was as if he was preordained to do this.  When I think about this, I know life's events are uncontrollable enough to push things in any direction.  A while back I was driving a route that I have taken for years and thought that if it was five years ago, I undoubtedly would have taken a slightly different route to a store with a sizable selection of great off-shore and micro brews, likely dropping quite a bit of money for an extended weekend.  I laughed at the thought, and never even considered not pointing my vehicle toward home.

The other bit comes from Pete Hammil's A Drinking Life.  At the end of the book, he briefly examines his new reality with the poet Joel Oppenheimer who had also recently quit.  Oppenheimer is quoted as saying, "You won't have as much fun, but the fun will really be fun." (emphasis added - I think).  I originally read the word really as in the adverb very, the fun will be much more extreme fun.  I now see this as word as the adjective "not artificial" which has a completely different but much more lasting meaning.  The fun will be true.  I may not be as interesting without it, and I know sometimes things can be more boring without it.  But, I have more time in my life than ever before for things that are really interesting.  It is too easy with several beers to sit in front of the TV for a couple hours.  It is much more possible to do things that make life truly interesting without imbibing first.

More recently on a cross-country trip in a four-wheeled vehicle I listened to David Sedaris' When you are Engulfed in Flames on CD.  In this book he talks about going to the extreme of moving to Japan for a few months so as to quit smoking.  Simultaneously, he quits drinking as for him the two went together.  He describes one conversation where someone talks not about quitting, but finishing.
I related to this analogy.  With apologies to Joel Oppenheimer, I had lots of fun while drinking.  But, perhaps there was a set quantity I should have in my life, and maybe, hopefully I've reached it.  It is time to move on.

The second half of the title of this blog post is "Taking a Break."  No, this doesn't mean I'm taking a break from not drinking.  I have some ideas I want to look toward which may consume most of the time I often spend at the keyboard.  This may last a few weeks, or potentially much longer.  Taking a cue from Poet Oppenheimer, I want to pursue something which has the potential to be really interesting.  It may not be and there is every chance that it will only last a few weeks, meaning that the nobody who never reads this will never not notice.

At least I can now take the chance to try.  We'll see...